January 23, 2009

The State of Missouri

Let's be hypothetical. Say, for some reason, 30 teams in the NFL cannot compete in the Superbowl. Plane crashes, mysterious diseases, Pacman Jones. All of these could be the reasons. But all of the teams are gone, except for those in the state of Missouri, the St. Louis Rams and Kansas City Chiefs.

I'd rather have my eyes gouged out with a rusty fork than watch that shitfest.

Oh what a glorious mess the Rams are. The defense is atrocious, and the only reason I have any hope for the defensive line is Chris Long, and he just hasn't given me enough time to find something to hate about him. At least they have Osk... Osham...O.J. Atogwe. But he's a free agent and I look for him to get his first train ticket out of the doomed state. The offense has some "good pieces." By some, I mean one, and by good pieces I ,mean Steven Jackson. The only thing the Rams have going for them right now are his legs. They get the second pick in the draft, and maybe, just maybe, they could help their interior line, which looks like a piece of meat after Roseanne was done with it. As in it isn't there anymore.

And with the third pick in the NFL draft this year, the other Missouri entrant in the worst hypothetical Superbowl, the Kansas City Chiefs. When Tyler Thigpen is your QB of the future, your team is terrible. Tony Gonzalez almost got out of KC into playoff-bound New York, but things didn't work out. I feel so terribly for him. Thigpen led all QBs in rushing, mainly from being chased out of the pocket once his line collapsed, so in about a half second. The defense isn't exactly stellar either. Honestly, I could not name you 4 starters on this defense without cheating. The only two I know are Glenn Dorsey, who did the best disappearing act since Bobby Petrino last year, and Saint Bernard Pollard, who I call that due to him injuring Tom Brady in week 1. Up until yesterday, I was still under the impression that Willie Roaf still played for them. Well at least they have the 3rd pick. I just can't wait to see them screw it up.

The shitty missing link between the two

I have a Chiefs fan for a friend, and a Rams fan for a friend, and it is just awesome to hear their reasons why their teams are not all that bad. Rams fan blames an injured O-Line / QB / HB / Everything. Recently, however, he has given up on thinking is Rams are good, and is just waiting patiently for the rebuilding to fully commence. My Chiefs friend, however, is still looking at his shit team through rose colored glasses. He believe Dwayne Bowe will be the next Fitz (which no one will) and that Tony G has some years left in him (definite no. He's got 1). His old hard-on was for Ty Law, the past his prime corner who now is not on the team at all. Oh well, I hope he'll learn. And the team will learn. Learn how not to suck.

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