January 20, 2009

Tavaris, We Hardly Want To Know Thee.

Tavaris Jackson,

Now, for a while I didn't follow T-Jax's career because, well he wasn't that important. He was a stretched pick in the 06 draft, where people had him going in rounds 4-7 and he was picked end of round 2. I stayed away from him throughout that rookie season, only knowing he was bad enough for my Packers to beat him without much sweat.

This all changed with Madden 08. Superstar mode. Oklahoma running back Adrian Peterson. QB: Tavaris Jackson. Realization - the Madden version of this man is fucking terrible. Every game had at least 3 picks from my buddy T-Jax, with a majority of them going for 6. Now I was pretty convinced the game was just being slightly unrealistic due to the skill level it was on. But then I started watching him in a normal game.


He ACTUALLY THROWS PICKS LIKE THAT. Not in the volume of the Madden game, but just as bad. Throws that actually go to the wrong team directly, with no receiver in sight. Now, you can make the argument that he suffers from lackluster receivers and I will respond with the fact that no receiver can catch a ball thrown 5 feet behind him to a streaking safety. None. Except maybe Larry (God) Fitzgerald.

"His invisible friend is running

a streak between the safeties"

Now this year, I come in with high hopes for my Packers. Aaron Rodgers brings youth and less interceptions to the team then he-who-wont-be-fucking-named-cause-hes-a-prick. The majority of a defense was back, and Greg Jennings was in his own and Ryan Grant was becoming an effective runner. Besides, with the Bears lacking a proven running game and as the Vikings wait for T-Jax to develop, the Packers in all likelyhood have one more division title. Except one problem. Childress realized his mistake, and said "Wait, we could win games with a different quarterback. Gus, go in." Now came the weird part.

I missed his terribleness.

It was like a shitty, right handed Michael Vick part of me was missing, and I had no way to get it back. As the Vikings continued towards a division championship and the Packers failed to resemble anything like a run defense, I was certain I'd never see the interception artist formerly known as Tavaris in my division again. But in Week 14, my desperate prayers were answered as he played the entire second half. My prayer turned into a nightmare as I quickly realized something different. He was doing good.

Not just good, but GOOD-good. Efficient good. And he threw 4 fucking touchdowns in ONE GAME. That's about as many as I'd expect in 8 games from him. I thought at this point I was going to have to look for another quarterback in my division to pick on. Lucky for Dan Orlovsky, T-Jax came back to earth. Literally, by getting choke slammed in the wildcard round, and figuratively, by sucking huge donkey dick in the game. Now everything is in it's rightful place. The Vikings aren't in the Superbowl, and T-Jax will retain his throne as King of the crappy quarterbacks.

As long as Wrecks stays on the bench. (But that's another day)

"How much could the curse
effect him, really."

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