January 31, 2009

Super Bowl 43: A Breakdown

The grandest stage. The only thing that can make me actually watch the commercials. The Super Bowl. And now, I shall give yo the grand insight into who's got the edge, and who will in the game Sunday.


Big Ben's won before, so has Warner. So to me, experience in these games is a wash. Some will point to how Warner set a record with the Greatest Show on Turf against the Titans in his first Super Bowl. I say fuck that, because he's no longer part of the show. Looking deeper into this, I'm inclined to give the Steelers the edge because of Charlie Batch, but he's hurt so their backup is Byron Leftwich, so I'm still giving the Cards the edge, because of who Warner throws to, and cause God is on his side.
Running Back

The Steelers can run the football. The Cardinals, it seems, don't have a running back who can consistently remember which foot goes in front of the other to run. One because he's getting old, and one because he's new. I'd use the guy in the middle of those 2 stages, J.J. Arrington, but he's fucking useless. The Steelers run game is solid and can use two guys, Willie Parker and Mwelde Moore. If need be, Bettis can get out of the studio and run some people over for a key 3rd down. Advantage Steelers.

Wide Receiver

This is probably the easiest position to call. Steeler supporters will say that Ward is clutch and reliable and Holmes is a deep threat. Well, that may all be well and good, but the Cards have 3 1000 yard receivers, or more than I thought humanly possible. When your 5th string receiver is a Pro Bowler (look it up. Sean Morey, NFC Special Teams Pro Bowler) then your team is a passing power. Larry Fitzgerald is quite possibly the best receiver in the league, AND he's a nice guy. Only bad part is he looks like Ronaldinho. Sad. Advantage Cards, though in funny names, I'd give it to the Steelers for Santonio and Limas. Awesome.

Offensive Line
Since the lost of Alan Faneca, Big Ben seems to have his ass hit the dirt a ridiculous amount of times. And if Warner can throw enough to get 3 1000 yard receivers, his line must be good, right? I'm going Cards, just because of Warner's time.

Defensive Line

Casey Ham-Ton anchors the Steelers line. And he literally anchors it. The mans a monster. The Steelers line is good at both rushing the passer (mainly tying up blockers so the LBs can destroy) and stopping the run. The Cards line, however, is rather weak in their pass rush. Maybe Big Ben won't be on his ass for most of this game. Steelers win this one to make it 3-2 Cards.


This is what even the casual sports fan knows about the Steelers. Their linebackers make quarterbacks and running backs shit themselves. James Harrison, Lamar Woodley, James Farriror, Larry Foote and even Lawrence Timmons (who will be a force soon, guaranteed.) are arguably the best set of linebackers in the league, and are the main reason the Steelers have the #1 D in the league. The Cards linebackers have some good talent like Karlos Dansby, but they are not even in the ballpark compared to the Steelers. Easy win Pittsburgh.

Defensive Backs

The Steelers have the better secondary anchored by Troy Polamalu and Ryan "We're gonna beat the Patriots" Clark. He's improved since he shut his yap. Against the Cards receivers, I think they got a touch match up, but they'll find a way through it. Adrian Wilson leads a decent cards group, but the star is Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. Jesus that's a name. Still, I'll take crazy hair and the Steelers, making their lead 4-3.

The final score, ladies and gentlemen, is 4-3 Steelers. The final score will actually be 21-17 Steelers. And I will sit back with crappy pizza in hand and enjoy the boss during the halftime show. Being Canadian, we don't get the good commercials, which also means we have a chance to pee. Enjoy the game, and hope your bladder doesn't burst like a balloon.

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